Last year the Christmas season came early for me. Working in Branson, the Christmas season began on November 1st. It was still warm out and yet everything was decorated with lights, festive music was always playing and everything was either green or red. By the time Christmas day actually came around I was thought I would be relieved for it all to be over, but instead I was a little sad to see it go.
This year is much different for me than last year. I live in a new city, away from my family. I’m not singing about a silent night four times a day every day, and I don’t see too many Christmas lights anywhere. However one thing has not changed... I’m still in a Christmas mood. I thought that would change too, but it hasn’t, if anything the season began even earlier than last year. To be honest, Christmas is all I got right now, and I don’t think I’m the only one.
When I was a kid, the idea of Christmas was acquiring more things, my festive spirit was inspired only when I saw new toys and dreamed of getting more than my little brother. After I matured a little it was more about the idea of getting something for my family that they truly appreciated. But now that has changed too. I don’t have any money and my family isn’t big into buying tons of crap like they used to be. So why am I still excited for Christmas?
I can’t help but notice that radio stations are already playing Christmas music, that Santa is already on T.V. commercials and people have already started to count down to the day. This makes absolutely no sense. I heard a statistic that 1 out of 6 people are unemployed right now. People who have great jobs are picking up a second or even third part time job to make ends meet. The last thing they need to do is spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need. Really, for most of us, the last thing we should be looking forward to is Christmas.
December 25 has been criticized by many, it has gotten to the point where Christmas is almost synonymous with the word debt. Money and Christmas have gone hand in hand for so long. But this year seems different to me, this year, people are not planning on buying extravagant gifts like they have in the past. They are looking forward to something else entirely. They are looking forward to each other. They are looking forward to the simple fact that there is a specific day laid out on our calendar to spend with the people we love most. For the majority of people, they are not looking forward to buying/receiving, rather they are looking forward to an escape. An escape from the terrible times we are going through. They are looking for HOPE.
Isn’t it ironic? Growing up in church I’ve heard time and time again about the true meaning of Christmas. They preached this when money was good and things weren’t so depressing. Now when money isn’t as available and times are a lot more depressing the true meaning of Christmas is lived out by mere necessity. The true meaning of Christmas has always been about Christ and the hope He gives us, but it was overlooked by our materialism. Now that materialism is not an option, Christmas has become to be a symbol of hope once again.
This is a great opportunity for our churches. The thought that material possessions will not be the highlight of Christmas and yet we are still looking forward to the day is incredible. If anything, we are looking forward to Christmas more than we ever have!
The meaning of Christmas has become hope once again and the Church wasn’t even responsible for it. The economy was. As a Church, let us show what hope means to us and who we get our hope from.
It inspires me knowing that everyone is looking forward to and hoping for the day Christ comes to earth... and they don’t even realize it.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The Church movement: “Turn or Burn” theology and what is next.
“Turn or Burn” theology: A church movement peaking in popularity during the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s that focused on using the fear of hell to motivate salvation.
While taking my History of Christianity classes in college, I noticed one similarity of every Church movement: they all focused on some aspect of Christianity that the former movement has neglected and in turn the new movement unintentionally neglects another aspect of Christianity. Ever since Christianity first began there has been movement after movement pursuing truth and we’re still not there.
Movements never have some standard amount of time to last, some longer than others. Many overlap and many aspects of a certain movements have been around for centuries.
For the past few decades we have been living in the “Turn or Burn” church movement. Everything from people standing on street corners attempting to instill the fear of God to the “It’s a very easy prayer, and then you’re saved!” speech have all been a part of this movement.
While some just simply use hell as a way to motivate the unsaved to save themselves, others use fancy rhetoric and the concept that the decision is a very simple prayer and will keep you from going to hell. I remember, as a teen in youth, being taught the “Roman Road” and other good rhetoric to save my friends. No joke, I specifically remember a man at a church that opened by saying, “I have saved over 1,000 people and if you follow my simple steps, you can save even more!”
Because of these motivators we have come up with some strange phrases. The saying, “just ask Jesus in your heart” has been a popular phrase, in fact it was the exact prayer I said at age 7. “Dear Jesus, come into my heart and bring my dog back to life, amen.” The church rejoiced at my decision to “follow Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior” but I really didn’t know exactly what I got myself into.
Even as a very young child, I knew something was wrong with what many were saying. For the longest time I thought the only benefit of following Christ was not going to hell. So why did I need to be a good boy too? After I said “the simple prayer” I began to wonder if it was too simple. Soon after my Baptism, my mother caught me doing something I wasn’t supposed to, she reprimanded me by saying, “You’re a Christian now, you can’t be doing these things.” I felt like I was lied to, “simple prayer my butt! Now I have all these lame rules I gotta follow” at a young age of seven I regretted my decision to make Jesus my personal Lord and Savior.
This idea that “if we have the right rhetoric, you can save anyone” and attempting to “Scare the Hell” out of the unsaved has so many dangers. A great example of this is there is absolutely no room in fancy rhetoric, the appealing idea of a simple decision and fear of hell to appropriately explain grace. Going back to my young childhood, after doing something wrong I would spend days in regret and hate myself for what I did. I probably asked Jesus in my heart a hundred times before my dad finally told me I am being too hard on myself for my wrong doings, I needed to accept that I was forgiven and thank God for sending His son to die for my sins. Obviously, my reaction to this concept was, “I can do whatever I want and be okay? Perfect!” Again, I had to have a talk with my dad. I hated this whole Jesus thing, “If asking Him in my heart was so easy, why is living it so hard?” It took years and God personally revealing Himself for me to realize that there were more reasons to follow Him other than the fear of hell.
Certain book series have developed during the climax of “Turn or Burn.” Which distort the Apocalyptic literature into this theology of the end times that is completely false! I hesitate to tell this story, mainly because of how recent it was and how bitter I still am. At my Grandmother’s funeral the pastor went on a tangent of the AntiChrist and the threat of being... “Left Behind.” He spoke for 40 minutes, 5 of which was directly related to my grandmother, the rest was an unorganized, unplanned rant on the end times and the AntiChrist already being on earth, Tim Lahaye would have been so proud. “Dear pastor, subscribe to dispensationalism all you want, but don’t turn my mourning over my grandmother’s death into an opportunity to scare some into salvation. Her life of refusing to do nothing but love all people, her selflessness and her giving nature is a far better witness than your mediocre sermon about the Rapture being right around the corner.” Again, let me apologize. I try not to allow my emotions get the best of me. Hopefully, as time passes I’ll be less bitter about the whole situation.
Sometimes I’ll walk down town and people will come up and witness to me. I know this is really mean, but I play along and tell them I’m not saved. I’m just curious to see what they say. Most of the time it’s “if you died tonight do you know where you would go?” I always answer, “hopefully the morgue, if not I hope someone is looking for me!” But one witnessing tool I heard was extremely disturbing, “Think of it this way, if I’m right and there is life after death and you chose not to accept Jesus you will go to hell. But, if you are right and there is nothing after death, you really got nothing to loose if you ask Him in your heart. You know, just to be sure.” When I heard this I could no longer play along. I told him who I really was and that salvation is not a simple prayer it’s a life long journey pursuing and pushing to get closer to God.
There was one time where someone witnessed to me that truly made me thankful for God and His love. I was driving to Bolivar from Springfield and got a flat tire. While pulled over I saw someone from SBU known for being a “Jesus All-star” see I needed help and keep driving. I shrugged it off and began changing my tire. While working on the car this grungy man with a big beard and unwashed hair pulled over his beater truck. As he got out he threw his half smoked cigarette in the ditch and grunted with smoke still escaping his breathe, “you needing help?” Not wanting to turn down a hand I allowed him to pull out this super fast car lift and an air powered lug gun connected to a portable compressed air tank. Nascar had nothing on how fast we changed this tire. After we were done I thanked him for the help and this was his reply, “You know, I do this because Jesus told us the way we treat the least of these is the same way we have treated Him. When I see people in need I just ask myself, ‘If Jesus needed help wouldn’t you stop everything you were doing to help Him?’ If the answer is ‘yes’ than I always help without hesitation.” I was overwhelmed with the Gospel being lived out in my life personally. By the way, the next time I saw the “Jesus All-Star” from SBU his excuse for not helping was he was on his way to church and was running late.
Many churches take pride in being called a “seeker” church, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to seek the unsaved. But many make some bad sacrifices: they remove all crosses from the sanctuary as to not make anyone uncomfortable, their sermons will be extremely simple and unedifying, and will usually end with, “everyone bow your heads and close your eyes, if you wanna be saved just look up at me. No one else has to know... thank you, thank you.... I see that hand.” They do nothing for them after their decision, other than make another notch and pat themselves on the back. And what happens to those who raised their hand? I doubt the pastor even knows.
Some Churches go as far as just simply telling people what they want to hear, they promise riches and power, saying “you are now a son and daughter of a King and you deserve Kingly rewards.” The best example is Joel Osteen. I never specifically point out one person, but with him, he’s created his own category of people who have ruined Christianity.
Becoming a Christian is not easy, being a Christian is not easy. If it were, I doubt Jesus would have gotten killed. Our savior didn’t even have a place to lay His head. What makes us think we’ll get by better off than Him?
The biggest danger is the fact that scripture is blatantly ignored. “Turn or Burn” theology is guilty of focusing too much on Christ’s death and resurrection and not enough on His ministry. For many, the gospels would suffice if they just started at His trial. How many hungry and homeless people were told they needed to accept Jesus as their savior and then instantly turned away, still hungry and homeless?
The worst part is these strategies work. Many people all over the world are saved, because of the fear of hell, fancy rhetoric and simplicity of the decision, but at what cost? The end result does not justify the means.
More and more people are pursuing God and find distaste in this “Turn or Burn” theology. We will be facing the repercussions of this movement for some time. But my biggest fear is the reaction the Church will have.
I bet it sounds like I’m back tracking, but not all aspects of this movement were bad. It is healthy to want our friends to share the same experience we have. We should hurt and pray for those who oppose us. Also, do not confuse me for lumping every church in existence in this category. There are so many great churches out there, who are doing great things. I have mainly pointed out the most radical of the bunch, the few bad apples, if you will. But like all things, the worst stick out the most.
So what now? Many have seen the issues and the problems and want to change, pursue God and edify the Church. They want new motivations for the Church’s actions.
My biggest fear is our change in the Church will solely be a reaction to the “Turn or Burn” movement. We can very easily become too accepting, refuse to say anyone needs Christ. Sacrifice the idea that we need salvation and solely focus on social reform. We cannot be solely motivated to change by the mistakes of the past. Our motivation should come from the scriptures. Until the end we will always be seeking the truth and benefitting from our mistakes in the past. At no point in time has any movement had it all figured out. Even the early Church needed to be called out on their mistakes. We can not neglect the need to witness and tell others the good news, but equally can not neglect the need to serve others.
While taking my History of Christianity classes in college, I noticed one similarity of every Church movement: they all focused on some aspect of Christianity that the former movement has neglected and in turn the new movement unintentionally neglects another aspect of Christianity. Ever since Christianity first began there has been movement after movement pursuing truth and we’re still not there.
Movements never have some standard amount of time to last, some longer than others. Many overlap and many aspects of a certain movements have been around for centuries.
For the past few decades we have been living in the “Turn or Burn” church movement. Everything from people standing on street corners attempting to instill the fear of God to the “It’s a very easy prayer, and then you’re saved!” speech have all been a part of this movement.
While some just simply use hell as a way to motivate the unsaved to save themselves, others use fancy rhetoric and the concept that the decision is a very simple prayer and will keep you from going to hell. I remember, as a teen in youth, being taught the “Roman Road” and other good rhetoric to save my friends. No joke, I specifically remember a man at a church that opened by saying, “I have saved over 1,000 people and if you follow my simple steps, you can save even more!”
Because of these motivators we have come up with some strange phrases. The saying, “just ask Jesus in your heart” has been a popular phrase, in fact it was the exact prayer I said at age 7. “Dear Jesus, come into my heart and bring my dog back to life, amen.” The church rejoiced at my decision to “follow Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior” but I really didn’t know exactly what I got myself into.
Even as a very young child, I knew something was wrong with what many were saying. For the longest time I thought the only benefit of following Christ was not going to hell. So why did I need to be a good boy too? After I said “the simple prayer” I began to wonder if it was too simple. Soon after my Baptism, my mother caught me doing something I wasn’t supposed to, she reprimanded me by saying, “You’re a Christian now, you can’t be doing these things.” I felt like I was lied to, “simple prayer my butt! Now I have all these lame rules I gotta follow” at a young age of seven I regretted my decision to make Jesus my personal Lord and Savior.
This idea that “if we have the right rhetoric, you can save anyone” and attempting to “Scare the Hell” out of the unsaved has so many dangers. A great example of this is there is absolutely no room in fancy rhetoric, the appealing idea of a simple decision and fear of hell to appropriately explain grace. Going back to my young childhood, after doing something wrong I would spend days in regret and hate myself for what I did. I probably asked Jesus in my heart a hundred times before my dad finally told me I am being too hard on myself for my wrong doings, I needed to accept that I was forgiven and thank God for sending His son to die for my sins. Obviously, my reaction to this concept was, “I can do whatever I want and be okay? Perfect!” Again, I had to have a talk with my dad. I hated this whole Jesus thing, “If asking Him in my heart was so easy, why is living it so hard?” It took years and God personally revealing Himself for me to realize that there were more reasons to follow Him other than the fear of hell.
Certain book series have developed during the climax of “Turn or Burn.” Which distort the Apocalyptic literature into this theology of the end times that is completely false! I hesitate to tell this story, mainly because of how recent it was and how bitter I still am. At my Grandmother’s funeral the pastor went on a tangent of the AntiChrist and the threat of being... “Left Behind.” He spoke for 40 minutes, 5 of which was directly related to my grandmother, the rest was an unorganized, unplanned rant on the end times and the AntiChrist already being on earth, Tim Lahaye would have been so proud. “Dear pastor, subscribe to dispensationalism all you want, but don’t turn my mourning over my grandmother’s death into an opportunity to scare some into salvation. Her life of refusing to do nothing but love all people, her selflessness and her giving nature is a far better witness than your mediocre sermon about the Rapture being right around the corner.” Again, let me apologize. I try not to allow my emotions get the best of me. Hopefully, as time passes I’ll be less bitter about the whole situation.
Sometimes I’ll walk down town and people will come up and witness to me. I know this is really mean, but I play along and tell them I’m not saved. I’m just curious to see what they say. Most of the time it’s “if you died tonight do you know where you would go?” I always answer, “hopefully the morgue, if not I hope someone is looking for me!” But one witnessing tool I heard was extremely disturbing, “Think of it this way, if I’m right and there is life after death and you chose not to accept Jesus you will go to hell. But, if you are right and there is nothing after death, you really got nothing to loose if you ask Him in your heart. You know, just to be sure.” When I heard this I could no longer play along. I told him who I really was and that salvation is not a simple prayer it’s a life long journey pursuing and pushing to get closer to God.
There was one time where someone witnessed to me that truly made me thankful for God and His love. I was driving to Bolivar from Springfield and got a flat tire. While pulled over I saw someone from SBU known for being a “Jesus All-star” see I needed help and keep driving. I shrugged it off and began changing my tire. While working on the car this grungy man with a big beard and unwashed hair pulled over his beater truck. As he got out he threw his half smoked cigarette in the ditch and grunted with smoke still escaping his breathe, “you needing help?” Not wanting to turn down a hand I allowed him to pull out this super fast car lift and an air powered lug gun connected to a portable compressed air tank. Nascar had nothing on how fast we changed this tire. After we were done I thanked him for the help and this was his reply, “You know, I do this because Jesus told us the way we treat the least of these is the same way we have treated Him. When I see people in need I just ask myself, ‘If Jesus needed help wouldn’t you stop everything you were doing to help Him?’ If the answer is ‘yes’ than I always help without hesitation.” I was overwhelmed with the Gospel being lived out in my life personally. By the way, the next time I saw the “Jesus All-Star” from SBU his excuse for not helping was he was on his way to church and was running late.
Many churches take pride in being called a “seeker” church, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to seek the unsaved. But many make some bad sacrifices: they remove all crosses from the sanctuary as to not make anyone uncomfortable, their sermons will be extremely simple and unedifying, and will usually end with, “everyone bow your heads and close your eyes, if you wanna be saved just look up at me. No one else has to know... thank you, thank you.... I see that hand.” They do nothing for them after their decision, other than make another notch and pat themselves on the back. And what happens to those who raised their hand? I doubt the pastor even knows.
Some Churches go as far as just simply telling people what they want to hear, they promise riches and power, saying “you are now a son and daughter of a King and you deserve Kingly rewards.” The best example is Joel Osteen. I never specifically point out one person, but with him, he’s created his own category of people who have ruined Christianity.
Becoming a Christian is not easy, being a Christian is not easy. If it were, I doubt Jesus would have gotten killed. Our savior didn’t even have a place to lay His head. What makes us think we’ll get by better off than Him?
The biggest danger is the fact that scripture is blatantly ignored. “Turn or Burn” theology is guilty of focusing too much on Christ’s death and resurrection and not enough on His ministry. For many, the gospels would suffice if they just started at His trial. How many hungry and homeless people were told they needed to accept Jesus as their savior and then instantly turned away, still hungry and homeless?
The worst part is these strategies work. Many people all over the world are saved, because of the fear of hell, fancy rhetoric and simplicity of the decision, but at what cost? The end result does not justify the means.
More and more people are pursuing God and find distaste in this “Turn or Burn” theology. We will be facing the repercussions of this movement for some time. But my biggest fear is the reaction the Church will have.
I bet it sounds like I’m back tracking, but not all aspects of this movement were bad. It is healthy to want our friends to share the same experience we have. We should hurt and pray for those who oppose us. Also, do not confuse me for lumping every church in existence in this category. There are so many great churches out there, who are doing great things. I have mainly pointed out the most radical of the bunch, the few bad apples, if you will. But like all things, the worst stick out the most.
So what now? Many have seen the issues and the problems and want to change, pursue God and edify the Church. They want new motivations for the Church’s actions.
My biggest fear is our change in the Church will solely be a reaction to the “Turn or Burn” movement. We can very easily become too accepting, refuse to say anyone needs Christ. Sacrifice the idea that we need salvation and solely focus on social reform. We cannot be solely motivated to change by the mistakes of the past. Our motivation should come from the scriptures. Until the end we will always be seeking the truth and benefitting from our mistakes in the past. At no point in time has any movement had it all figured out. Even the early Church needed to be called out on their mistakes. We can not neglect the need to witness and tell others the good news, but equally can not neglect the need to serve others.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Virginity: a healthy mixture of bad luck and good decisions
Somebody once said, “Virginity is a healthy mixture of bad luck and good decisions.” For some they made really good decisions, for others, they just have bad luck.
I think it is very odd how we focus so much on virginity and waiting for marriage in a Christian society. Go to any library and you will find books upon books of women and men’s purity. Books on how it is so dangerous to have pre-marital sex, books on dating as a Christian and tons of tips how to date without falling to temptation.
How many books do we need on purity and why are most focused on the women? Purity is great and it is the best decision to stay a virgin, don’t get me wrong, but we seem to focus on it so much.
At christianbook.com there are 637 books all about sex and virginity. When did it become necessary to have over 600 books all about sex? Isn’t one enough? What can one book possibly say that another book won’t discuss? I think we all get the picture; don’t have sex before marriage.
Here’s my problem, we have beaten the fact that virginity is expected so much that it becomes almost impossible to date after having made the mistake of having sex. And considering the huge expectations of women, it is even harder for a girl than a guy.
Here’s a little story:
Mr. Joe Pure made a commitment to never have sex before marriage; he goes on to live his life never having sex. In fact, he makes the commitment every year when the “I’m saving myself” convention comes around every year and every time his Sunday school, youth group, accountability group and bible study group uses a sex and purity book his parents buy him another purity ring.
Ms. Jan Pretty is a great, gorgeous girl, but like most attractive girls, they dated a not so good guy, Mr. Bad Boy. Mr. Bad Boy convinced Ms. Jan Pretty that if she really loved him she would do the naughty. Ms. Jan Pretty thought she loved Mr. Bad Boy and was going to marry him, she also thought she could change his bad boy ways. After a long debate Mr. Bad Boy gets Ms. Jan Pretty to think that sex is something he deserves, after all they are in love. She gives in and on some not so special night, they get it on. It was much more enjoyable for him than it was for her, in fact she struggles for a long time knowing what she did with him. Mr. Bad Boy never changes, but because she had something so special with him, Ms. Jan Pretty takes a much longer time to break up with him than it should have taken. But in the end their relationship ends and she makes an attempt to move on.
This is where Mr. Joe Pure comes into the scene. Mr. Joe Pure and Ms. Jan Pretty meet each other at Ima Christian University. From the get go, Joe and Jan like each other and they start to talk, the romance begins to build and they are certain they should begin to date. But Jan hesitates because she knows she needs to tell him about her deep dark secret. Joe is hurt that Jan doesn’t want to start dating as soon as he does, so he confronts her. Jan finally opens up and explains how she was tricked into giving up something special all to be hurt in the end. Joe, after having purity beaten into his mind, is crushed to find this out. He spent his whole life dedicated to purity all to find out the girl he likes didn’t do the same. Mr. Joe Pure decides he can’t date such a tainted girl. Even though Ms. Jan Pretty is a much different girl than when she made the mistake and she regrets her decision everyday, it is not enough for Joe. Jan is crushed, as much as she regretted her bad decision in high school, she regrets it even more.
Does anyone else see the fallacy in this? It is very good to tell young teens about sex and the beauty in saving yourself. But we have forgotten to mention that people make mistakes and we should look at where they are now, not what they did then.
I have another problem; because we push purity so much, kids who want sex but don’t want to be impure get married way too soon. Suppose two couples think they love each other, but really they’re just two really horny kids burning with lust. But because they know not to have sex before marriage, they go to the next best thing; get married. And the church praises them for this. Then a Mtv show “engaged and underage” finds great material and Christians look dumber than ever. And eventually, the couple, after satisfying their hunger and having children, realizes they never actually loved each other. So now they live an un-happy marriage and either divorce and ruin the kid’s lives or live the rest of their lives full of regret.
Part of me says they should have just had sex, realized their mistake and moved on to marry someone they truly love. But this means weighing one sin over another, and even though sex before marriage hurts way less people than divorce, it is a bad idea. And considering the first problem I described, this is impossible.
I blame the church. They pushed purity in the kid’s minds so much that they celebrate another bad decision, getting married too soon.
I truly believe most people that push purity either had a horrible experience with sex and feel the need to change other’s lives or they had such bad luck that abstinence wasn’t a hard thing for them to accomplish. And they subliminally want to make up for their bad luck by saying they are better then those who got lucky.
Like I said before, “Virginity is a healthy mixture of bad luck and good decisions.” For me it is way more bad luck then good decisions, in fact I doubt I would be a virgin if I were somewhat more attractive and dated more in high school. Therefore, I have realized that I cannot judge those who were more lucky then me and if I’m ever in a leadership position at a church I will teach about waiting and sex before marriage, but I will also teach about forgiveness, understanding and not marrying the first person that says, “I love you.”
My only regret is that I didn’t write a purity book sooner, imagine all the money I could have made!
I think it is very odd how we focus so much on virginity and waiting for marriage in a Christian society. Go to any library and you will find books upon books of women and men’s purity. Books on how it is so dangerous to have pre-marital sex, books on dating as a Christian and tons of tips how to date without falling to temptation.
How many books do we need on purity and why are most focused on the women? Purity is great and it is the best decision to stay a virgin, don’t get me wrong, but we seem to focus on it so much.
At christianbook.com there are 637 books all about sex and virginity. When did it become necessary to have over 600 books all about sex? Isn’t one enough? What can one book possibly say that another book won’t discuss? I think we all get the picture; don’t have sex before marriage.
Here’s my problem, we have beaten the fact that virginity is expected so much that it becomes almost impossible to date after having made the mistake of having sex. And considering the huge expectations of women, it is even harder for a girl than a guy.
Here’s a little story:
Mr. Joe Pure made a commitment to never have sex before marriage; he goes on to live his life never having sex. In fact, he makes the commitment every year when the “I’m saving myself” convention comes around every year and every time his Sunday school, youth group, accountability group and bible study group uses a sex and purity book his parents buy him another purity ring.
Ms. Jan Pretty is a great, gorgeous girl, but like most attractive girls, they dated a not so good guy, Mr. Bad Boy. Mr. Bad Boy convinced Ms. Jan Pretty that if she really loved him she would do the naughty. Ms. Jan Pretty thought she loved Mr. Bad Boy and was going to marry him, she also thought she could change his bad boy ways. After a long debate Mr. Bad Boy gets Ms. Jan Pretty to think that sex is something he deserves, after all they are in love. She gives in and on some not so special night, they get it on. It was much more enjoyable for him than it was for her, in fact she struggles for a long time knowing what she did with him. Mr. Bad Boy never changes, but because she had something so special with him, Ms. Jan Pretty takes a much longer time to break up with him than it should have taken. But in the end their relationship ends and she makes an attempt to move on.
This is where Mr. Joe Pure comes into the scene. Mr. Joe Pure and Ms. Jan Pretty meet each other at Ima Christian University. From the get go, Joe and Jan like each other and they start to talk, the romance begins to build and they are certain they should begin to date. But Jan hesitates because she knows she needs to tell him about her deep dark secret. Joe is hurt that Jan doesn’t want to start dating as soon as he does, so he confronts her. Jan finally opens up and explains how she was tricked into giving up something special all to be hurt in the end. Joe, after having purity beaten into his mind, is crushed to find this out. He spent his whole life dedicated to purity all to find out the girl he likes didn’t do the same. Mr. Joe Pure decides he can’t date such a tainted girl. Even though Ms. Jan Pretty is a much different girl than when she made the mistake and she regrets her decision everyday, it is not enough for Joe. Jan is crushed, as much as she regretted her bad decision in high school, she regrets it even more.
Does anyone else see the fallacy in this? It is very good to tell young teens about sex and the beauty in saving yourself. But we have forgotten to mention that people make mistakes and we should look at where they are now, not what they did then.
I have another problem; because we push purity so much, kids who want sex but don’t want to be impure get married way too soon. Suppose two couples think they love each other, but really they’re just two really horny kids burning with lust. But because they know not to have sex before marriage, they go to the next best thing; get married. And the church praises them for this. Then a Mtv show “engaged and underage” finds great material and Christians look dumber than ever. And eventually, the couple, after satisfying their hunger and having children, realizes they never actually loved each other. So now they live an un-happy marriage and either divorce and ruin the kid’s lives or live the rest of their lives full of regret.
Part of me says they should have just had sex, realized their mistake and moved on to marry someone they truly love. But this means weighing one sin over another, and even though sex before marriage hurts way less people than divorce, it is a bad idea. And considering the first problem I described, this is impossible.
I blame the church. They pushed purity in the kid’s minds so much that they celebrate another bad decision, getting married too soon.
I truly believe most people that push purity either had a horrible experience with sex and feel the need to change other’s lives or they had such bad luck that abstinence wasn’t a hard thing for them to accomplish. And they subliminally want to make up for their bad luck by saying they are better then those who got lucky.
Like I said before, “Virginity is a healthy mixture of bad luck and good decisions.” For me it is way more bad luck then good decisions, in fact I doubt I would be a virgin if I were somewhat more attractive and dated more in high school. Therefore, I have realized that I cannot judge those who were more lucky then me and if I’m ever in a leadership position at a church I will teach about waiting and sex before marriage, but I will also teach about forgiveness, understanding and not marrying the first person that says, “I love you.”
My only regret is that I didn’t write a purity book sooner, imagine all the money I could have made!
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